I know it's been awhile. I do many things to convince myself not to write a blog post. I tell myself nobody will read it, so what's the point? Or I convince myself I have nothing to write about. If I don't have a specific topic or subject for a post, what's the point in writing one? What will it even be about?
I figured enough time has passed. I'm just going to write and see what comes out of it.
The summer has been a hot one. I work in a special education program, with kids who are between the ages of 16-19, but have very limited function. It's very different than my work during the year, where I work with students in grades 4-6 who function near to grade level but need social and behavioral support. At times, my job in the summer feels more like babysitting than teaching. Sometimes, I'm asked why I do it? Why work with these kids? Why do this job? And, most importantly, is this what I want to do as a full-time job, is this the career I want to go into?
I have been wrestling with these questions for awhile now. Do I stick with the english-teaching or go into special education? Special education seems like it would provide more opportunities. Either way, I must go to grad-school, spending time and money I don't have for possible future employment. So again, I return to the question: Is special education the career I want to go into?
The answer is yes. As infuriating as it can be at times, I enjoy my job. I enjoy the students. Every one is unique and fantastic in their own way. Every day is different, every day presents new challenges in helping students understand skills and knowledge they need to live a successful life. Yes, students can be aggravating, but they can also be great. The moment when a student finally understands an idea is an incredible moment. And you helped them do it. It's a great feeling.
I want to do this. I want to go to work everyday thinking about how I'm going to teach these students what they need to know, I want to be worrying about the best way to handle students' various situations. I know there will be paperwork. I know some days will drag on and other days it will feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall but tell me a job where it never feels like that. Setbacks, disappointments, and irritation happens in every job, every day. I don't care. This is what I want.
So I need to go back to school. Take classes again, take out more loans and spend free time learning. That's okay. Improving oneself, improving one's education is a good thing. I've always enjoyed learning new things. I'm somewhat excited to go back to school, despite the time/money commitment. At least I will be back on track, instead of feeling stuck where I am.
Man, it feels good to say that. I hadn't really committed to it, until now. Writing can do that. You can start off writing about something and realize you want to say something else, realize you've already made a decision to a question you had in your mind.
If you are stuck with a choice, and you don't know what to do, try writing about it. Write out your thoughts, your hopes, your worries. It might help. Writing organizes your mind, it focuses you.
Finally, a blog post written. I will try to write them more often, even when I think I have nothing to say. Remember, write first, ask questions later.