Another week flies by and once again I'm a day late with my blog post. Does it matter if yesterday was my five year anniversary with my girlfriend? Or that I got demolished playing 80 minutes of rugby on Saturday? Nah, it doesn't matter. It's on me. Said I was going to post and I am. Just a day late. Again. Won't happen again. I mean a third time. I mean it's possible but...ah whatever. I'll get on with it.
I've been working more and more on the second half of the novel I started last Nanowrimo. It's becoming an altogether different beast, a creature with parts of its body hacked off and new limbs grafted on, an ugly thing, perhaps, but I think it's getting better and better. The story is growing, the cast is growing, it's becoming a deeper, fuller story. Each group with an agenda, each character with a motivation and I like it. Just need to keep on with it. Hopefully I finish it by November, if not, I'll probably start on the sequel anyways. Starting the sequel could give me some insight into the novel itself, so we'll see.
Working with children is a strange thing. I guess I could say working with people in general is a strange thing. It's not the same as working on an object or performing manual labor though let's be honest, in practically every job there is, you have to interact with people in one way or another. You have to gauge and guess their thoughts and feelings. I'm doing it constantly while I interact with my students. It's especially difficult because their feelings fluctuate constantly, super highs and super lows. I get frustrated because they get angry over what I see as little things but they can't see that. They can't see that mountains are molehills, all they see are mountains. It is important to note many adults have this problem as well. And it's not like I can just tell them something doesn't matter. I know it mattered to me back then and I remember it didn't matter what adults said, they didn't understand how I was feeling. It's true. There is this strange divide. I am one of those adults now. Through years of experience you realize the world is enormous, it's bigger than your petty problems, but right now their world is pretty small. It pretty much consists of their school and their friends and their family. I can see that.
I do my best but sometimes I just feel useless. There's just situations where I don't know what to do. How to stop a child from being mean. Sure I can make him stop for a moment or while I'm there but I know kids are cruel. They will be cruel. It will happen and not being able to stop every act of bullying or cruelty is frustrating, even though I know awareness and prevention of bullying has come a long ways, even from back when I was in elementary school. Kids have a very difficult time putting themselves in other people's shoes. Hell, adults have a difficult time doing that, which is something that kind of irritates me. It's tough, but that's the deal. It's impossible to totally know what someone else is thinking so every interaction is a gamble of sorts.
Despite all this ranting, I am enjoying the job. Interacting with kids is hilarious and crazy, and always interesting. Teaching a student a difficult idea can be incredibly infuriating but when you finally hit on the right thing to say and they finally get it, it's a really great feeling. Makes you feel good about what you're doing, despite the shit pay.
That's it for now, maybe I won't be a terrible blogger next time.
P.S. November is Coming